Happy Birthday, Son!

My brown eyed boy turns 10 today. Wow! He's in the double digits now and although he's no longer a baby, he will always be MY baby. Everything about my son is so meant to be, so wanted, so craved. It took me a long time to decide I wanted another baby after I had my sweet baby girl, Rylee Nicole. But when his Pa and I decided we were ready for another nugget, we knew our next offspring would be a little man.

Everything about having Carson, is sooooooo Carson, ha ha! He's so abrupt, so sudden, so, 'here I am, Ma!' So in your face. I kid you not, I swear to you I knew I was pregnant with him long before the 12 pregnancy tests I took told me so. Yes! I couldn't believe I was heavy with child, but yet I truly knew. I'll never forget it...

At the time I was married and his Father-man was on a business trip in New Mexico. I was tired beyond reason and I wanted to eat every cheeseburger or baked potato in sight. I couldn't fit into my favorite pair of jeans and I was so weepy. My hormones were literally off the charts! Boy, this boy of mine made a true mark on my physical being, soul, and mind.  

I remember calling Mr. Lynch and telling him that we were pregnant. His response was just too cool. He said, "Yeah, I know." He knew before I did that we'd have a little one on the way.  How great is that? Hindsight, this man was always meant to be the father of my children, no matter the outcome.  When I made this phone call to him, he was at a business dinner. After he hung up, he shared the news with his colleagues and immediate cheers and congratulations ensued. 

My pregnancy with Carson was a bit of challenge. I was placed on modified bed rest my last trimester because I kept going into premature labor. But once I was cleared to go into full on labor? My body stalled. Or should I say, Carson stalled! That's my typical son, chip off the old block; just like his old Lady. We'll show up when WE are ready! ( insert apologies here.)

My doctor decided it was best to deliver Carson via C-Section. My pregnancy with him really did wipe me out, but I adore all 9 months of it. 

We were told to arrive at St. Marks Hospital on February 13, 2007 at 2:00 P.M.  

Sweet! We couldn't wait. But that morning, I woke up at 8:00 A.M. and my water broke. It was Carson's day to be born no matter what ANY doctor said. He is the BEST Valentines Day gift I have ever received.

We drove to the hospital, hung out while I endured a few contractions, and then I was taken into the operating room. I got a spinal and waited until Baby Daddy was allowed to be by my side so Dr. Nielsen could start the slicing and dicing to deliver our delicious son. 

At 2:09 P.M., Carson Ryan Lynch was born weighing in at 6 lbs 12 oz and measuring 18.5" long. Before he was fully delivered, my little man was already screaming and squawking and truly? I haven't been able to shut him up since then! He has so much to say and so much to express. I don't know where he gets it from ;)

My son has brought so much vision and joy into my life. At times I feel terribly inadequate to be his momma. He is so unconditional and forgiving. He sees the best in everyone and everything. I don't get why I was so blessed to have such an incredible son. Such a loving spirit...But I will take it! 

Son, I am wishing you the happiest of birthdays! I fail at finding the correct words to express how much I truly love and adore your perfect soul. To me, you are the sun.

In this world that is so uncertain and fearful, that often leaves me doubting in humanity and hope? I just have to center myself and look into your big brown eyes. Along with your fearless and protective big sister, you bring me peace, strength, hope, and faith.

Carson Ryan Lynch, I do love you, Son! Happy 10 years of an extraordinary life...

Therapy In the Form of High Heels

A few years back, The Oprah Winfrey show used to be on air.  At the time it was on channel 4 at 4:00 PM, Monday through Friday. I set my DVR to watch every show religiously either while my kids were napping or after I had gotten back home from work. I miss that show and there were several episodes that stuck with me. But one has always stayed with me. On this one specific episode, Oprah talked about life being difficult and how she coped with bad days. I am embarrassed to say that I cried after hearing about the ONE thing she did to make herself feel better; she put on a pair of high heels! She walked around her house, went about her daily tasks, made important decisions IN HEELS! She said it made her feel empowered for various reasons.

As a woman, I can relate to this in several ways. First and foremost, I am a short lady; I stand at 5’1’’. So yeah, naturally I am drawn to any shoe with a heel that can give me a few extra inches. But it goes deeper than that. It’s symbolic really. It’s about feeling like you are on top of the world; YOUR world. Holding your head up high no matter what it is you are going through.  Keeping it together for your children after a terrible loss. Because no one can truly know what you lost. Taking the high road when you are faced with a difficult decision or test. Keeping your chin up when you are challenged. Putting on a happy front when you are falling apart inside. EATING CROW when you know you have no other choice because you made poor choices, because you know you dug your own grave, but wished someone had more empathy.  

Wow, the high heel thaaang just resonated with me, it truly did! It’s about doing what you have to do in order to power through and survive. In my case lately, it’s about putting on a pair of kicks and sucking it up!

I recently went shoe shopping. My shoe size can be hard to find, but I found a couple pairs that made me smile. And of course my favorite? Heels! I don’t know… Is it the whole Wizard of Oz thing; follow the yellow brick road, Dorothy? There’s no place like home? We aren’t in Kansas City anymore! No matter what, click your ruby red heels and wish…HARD!

Is there really no place like home? Yes, of course there is NO place like Home. In MY home, you can have a bad day, you can click your HIGH heels and regain your perspective. In my home, you can have a bad day and it will be welcomed, validated, and healed. You get to have a human moment. You get to make irrational decisions and completely regret them the next morning like erasing a post on Instagram or Facebook. Regret you ‘unfriended’ those true friends you didn’t really mean to. You are getting my point, right? In my home, you get to be human and cry, but then you get to put on your favorite pair of heels after you went running and are too lazy to remove your workout clothes, while having a glass of wine as I did the other night (hence the pic on this post). You can say I had a bad day. I turned 37 and found three more grey hairs, ha ha! It  definitely was a Wear Your High Heels day :)

Ex-Husband, Baby Daddy, Etc...

This blog entry... I have been stewing on it for days now. I have so much to say about it. As I had originally stated in my first post, I am a divorcee. Once upon a time, I was a very happily married woman. I was in love with my best friend, we had a beautiful home and, really a happy story together. But then, life happened.  Decisions were made, hearts were broken, and we both had to move on.

On June 19, 1999, I married Ryan Leroy Lynch. {I still giggle at his middle name, so does he!}
We had a pretty amazing marriage and partnership. He was the first of many 'firsts' for me. He's a good man, father, friend, son, brother. He's just a good egg. We were married for fifteen years. That's a long time if you ask me. I was a teenager when we first met, yikes! You can say he finished raising me. Gosh! I am so indebted to him for all that he has done for me. More than anything? He gave me my two most exquisite gifts: Rylee and Carson. I became a mother; greatest joy of my life. How can I ever dislike or hold any resentment towards him? NEVER!

This post is super important to me. I want to tell all two of my readers/followers that divorce doesn't need to be an ugly thing. It's what you choose to make of  it. Yes, I take into consideration that not every divorce is amicable. That ya'll might have heavier contributing factors that I could never possibly relate to. I understand that my experience is not the same as others. But it IS mine. And I want to share it with you.

Mr. Lynch and I have been divorced for three years now. At one point I couldn't even say 'Ryan' with out feeling complete hurt and resentment. Complete disappointment. What a terrible place I was in. I focused on so much that I felt he did wrong; what he could have done better, that I forgot what true blessings he had provided to me and our delicious children. I missed the whole message, the experience, the lesson that was given to me: Ryan Lynch.

I am finally in a good place to say that I am thankful for the fifteen year lesson I received. To this day, he continues to be my best friend. He was there for me through a recent break-up which nearly broke me, it nearly cost me everything. He picked my up, brushed the dust off my shoulders and, told me to 'suck it up! Move forward.' He is who I call when I get rejected by men who aren't interested in dating me, LOL! He's happy to remind me that I may not be everybody's cup of tea. He is good at keeping me humble.

I {WE} choose to be civil and amicable for two very specific reasons; Rylee and Carson. More than anything, we are very proud parents. We have been entrusted with two amazing creations and, damn it, we will never fail them. We kind of stunk at the marriage thing, but we won't fail at parenting!

About once a month, we gather over a weekend, just the four of us. We spend time with one another, share a fun activity, break bread together. Ultimately, we celebrate. We celebrate that once upon a time, we were a family. That life challenged us, and we've managed to get through it. We celebrate that we are alive and healthy. We are still kicking it! We celebrate our gifts. We celebrate that life is still great, and that happiness will be found again. In a way, I guess we are still a family.
Sometimes, we are given challenges. We have no control over that. But, we are in control of how we choose to handle these challenges; these tests. I'll keep ya'll posted on how we do.
Thank you for reading.

Cheers... I think the pic I added to this post says it all! Thank you, Lynch! you're alright.
Here is to LIFE!!!

Back At It...Then And Now

I've decided to get back to blogging. Seven years ago, I had a bloggity-blog. I even had it printed into a book. You know, for posterity :) I wrote and documented two years of my life. At the time, I was a 30-year old stay-at-home momma and life was truly bliss. To this day, I can really say it was the best time of my life. I was happily married, lived in my dream home with my two delicious children. I had great skin, a perky laugh and, not a single grey hair, lol! My life was perfect... Until it wasn't. It's funny; life gives you the best and then takes it all away. It knocks you off your feet, brings you to your knees, lifts you back up, and knocks you down all over again, SEVERAL times. I have thoroughly become accustomed to this vicious cycle, but damn it! I am learning and growing so much! Fast forward seven years and, here we are. So, let me reintroduce myself...

Hi! My Name is Carmen Lynch (Carmen Cholico). I am a single mother of two still delicious children and I am nine days away from turning 37 (gulp!) Since my last blog, I got divorced and had to rejoin the work force. So much has changed, so much. I really don't know where to begin. But I will give you the Cliff Notes version of my happenings.

What I thought was my 'happily ever after' turned out to be not so happy. My marriage failed, I lost a lot of friends, my dream home and, and at one point, my identity. I have been through some really crazy shit in my life. Particularly as a child, but truly? 2010 was one of the hardest times and one of the lowest points in my life. I am sad to say that life got even lower after that.

I am however, happy to report that since then, I have found my balance and my footing. Life is still challenging, but I am taking it day by day. It's really all I can do. Overall? I am a happy and content person. I am thankful for the lemons life has handed me. With my 'lemons', I have made strawberry lemonade, lemon chicken risotto, and a stiff Limoncello. Cheers!

I originally stated that I had a previous blog and printed it out into a book. Can I tell you how glad I am that I did that? It's somewhat cathartic to read through it, look at pictures, see what my life used to be like... It's been hard, but I wouldn't change a thing! I wouldn't be the person I am today for every trial and tribulation.

So here goes! It's 2017. It's a new year. I don't do new years resolutions, but how fitting is it to start up a new blog and document a new time in my life? A new journey!

So, I dedicate this NEW blog to my delicious children, Rylee Nicole and Carson Ryan. For you my darlings, I live and breath!